A Widow's Heart: Mrs. G – Generous, Giving, or Grinch? How do I give Him my all?

Finances. We all need it to support our lifestyle, pay our bills, and taxes. Learning how to leverage these resources in any economy, much less an economy in recession, is a struggle for many widows. I have been in the full spectrum of going from being generous to a fault to harping about the lack of funds coming in and acting like Mrs. Grinch to my children. I am striving towards the balance between generosity and greed.

Fresh in my grief after the funeral, I had two ladies (Lee Ann & Mary) help me organize my bills. They went through the paperwork to assist so I could file the insurance claims and complete the social security paperwork after Dave’s death. I was so grateful for their quick thinking and organizational skills. I was able to begin paying the bills that Dave had always paid without the additional resources coming in. I was definitely in survival mode (emotionally and financially) and I am not positive that I have moved much beyond that even 4 years later.

I had been working as an adjunct faculty which had supplemented our income, but Dave’s income and benefits were what we lived on. Now I had a funeral to pay for and children to raise with my meager income. Fortunately, we had life insurance. I wish I could say that I had spent this money wisely, but I know now I did not. Hindsight is always the teacher from experience.

We often think money provides comfort. I needed a project to divert my focus away from my grief. I have always been a go getter and over achiever, so I would go into denial and try to do something to feel in control. I decided to use some of the money for fixing up our house, buying furniture to replace the old, and picked up a new hobby. The extra funds allowed me the opportunity to be available and to provide comfort to my children (12) and (17). I was probably too generous in some respects and taught my children the wrong lesson about money.

I bought a newer-used vehicle for my 17 year old daughter to drive so she could help me take care of the family. I had a very vivid dream of my husband arguing with me about the need to buy the used F150 truck from his Dad. He said he did not need it as he was driving the Chevy Astro van that was tied together with a shoestring (of course I am exaggerating, but not by much!). I responded firmly that he was not here to make this decision. So the money gave me a false impression of control. It also helped me accept the fact that Dave was not coming back and I had to take care of the family now.

The writer in Isaiah 55:2 asks us the question, “Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy?”

Since July 2004, I have moved from the house I remodeled. Some of the furniture purchased was damaged in the move, and the F150 truck has been sold to another. Getting what we want through purchasing is short term and not long lasting.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 warned believers that “Whoever loves money, never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.”

Money can become addictive. The poor man dreams of having more. The rich man always wants more. In the scenes of the TV show “The Apprentice” Donald Trump always rewards the winning team with an exclusive and luxurious taste of what they could have if they were smart and won the contest at any cost. The problem with an addiction is that you always have to have the next fix; it is never enough. It does not seem enough to have enough clothes that you can go through a week without washing your laundry. We want a full closet of any occasion clothes.

How are we to handle money? Scripture says we should not love money. We should give; this includes our resources, service, and our time.

1 Peter 5:2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your

care, serving as overseers – not because you must, but

because you are willing as God wants you to be, not greedy

for money, but eager to serve…”

I have been sponsoring a child this last year through Compassion. Gregory is grateful for the monthly contribution that helps to insure there is food and water for his family and the resources to go to school. When we plant the seed of generosity in each others heart, then we freely give of ourselves and our resources. When I take stock of what is really important in my life: family, friends, and my faith in the Lord, I discover I am blessed beyond measure.

I have been guilty of becoming Mrs. Grinch by worrying about how to pay my bills, especially during tax season. This occurs because I do not have a good grasp of the whole financial picture. Believe me, my children become very stressed out when I become Mrs. Grinch and I send out the wrong message of stewardship. I have also been Mrs. Generous and paid it forward to assist and help others.

Jesus told the story of the widow’s offering in Luke 21:1-4.

“As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts

into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in

two very small copper coins. “I tell you the truth,“ he

said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others.

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but

she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

While I have worked more than one job since 2006, I am reevaluating how I spend my time and resources. I am learning how to give to others from my abundance and also my need; even in my finances. The widow’s sacrificial giving is a testimony to all believers. I do not think the Lord requires that we give Him all of our money, but He does want us to learn the value of giving and helping others.

I am still learning how to be financially and fiscally sound. The Lord is teaching me that I need to do more than just react and respond as a survivor. I need to equip myself with knowledge so I can live within my means and be able to give to others. He is currently providing a network of women who are acting as financial advisers to me so I can learn and develop my financial skills. The relational aspect is there in the network and I trust them to guide me. I want to be able to be a blessing to other widows and single women who need these same lessons, but first I must learn these lessons myself.

Resources for Widows

CBS News: Financial Tips for Widows

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/08/13/earlyshow/living/money/main568117.shtml

Clark Howard – Personal Finance

http://clarkhoward.com/liveweb/shownotes/category/7/

Mary Hunt - Cheapskate Monthly

http://www.cheapskatemonthly.com/

Mary Hunt - It’s Your Money!

http://www.mdmproofing.com/iym/debt-plans/mary-hunt-rdrp/

Mary Hunt’s Monthly Newsletter – Free

http://www.cheapskatemonthly.com/

Dave Ramsey on How to be Financially Successful