Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice;
mourn with those who mourn.
Initially, there were many who wept with me over the sudden loss of Dave. He was their friend, neighbor, coworker, classmate, father, brother, son, and church member. After all the casseroles, flowers, sympathy cards, and occasional gift cards, the crowd narrowed down to a few of our closest friends of and family. We were not weeping for Dave as he is with our glorious Lord. We were weeping for our loss, our connection with someone we dearly loved.
Scripture tells us even Jesus wept at the loss of his good friend Lazarus and at Mary’s broken heart (John 11:33-35). “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” My interpretation of the scripture is that Jesus knew Lazarus was in a better place, but his grief was triggered by Mary’s loss of her brother. The Savior gets it!
This was not my first experience with grief. I had participated in a pregnancy loss support group early in our marriage. Dave and I grieved together over the losses of 4 babies through miscarriage during the childbearing years of our marriage. I knew and understood the cycle of grief and how unexpected these waves hit you like a tsunami. It was the first experience of dealing with children who were grieving the loss of a father and stability. My most vivid memory of the funeral was Josh sobbing when the ushers closed the casket on his Dad. It broke my heart and that is when I really cried from the depths of my soul for my children.
Dave always cooked for our family, in part, because I was teaching full-time and going to graduate school. My son was 12 years old and asked multiple questions about how his world was going to change because of Dave’s death. He asked this question so innocently, “Who is going to cook for us?” I do not remember the answer I gave him, but I tried to reassure him that we would be alright.
I have mentioned my dear sisters in the Lord before, but the small group of women in the Young Widows Fellowship at Indiana Wesleyan University became comrades in arms. They were fighting the same battles I was: insecurity, raising and launching children as a single parent, financial worries, and grieving for our loss of our husbands. It is cathartic to have a compassionate sounding -board at lunch so we could share what was really going on in our hearts and mind. Who else asks us how we are doing like a friend who has experienced the same trials? We asked tough questions and sought answers from scripture, experiences, and prayer. These are my tried and true friends, Vicki, Sharon and Dianna, regardless, of how our life situations change in the future.
I have other friends at work and at church who understand that widows should be respected and cared for as a special class of people whom the scriptures emphasizes that the Lord loves and protects because often no one else will. They have stood by my side in the midst of the battles and prayed for me and my children. I am forever in your debt and grateful for you my friends. The Lord has used you to encourage me. I think to fully know great joy, one must experience devastating sorrow. Psalm 126:5: Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. In spite of our losses and struggles, I have learned to smile and laugh even through great heartbreak and trials. I have learned to weep with those who weep, to comfort the broken-hearted with His love, and to offer my own experiences of hope and redemption.
Revelation 7:17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
I will look forward to that that Great Day when we stand before the Lord and he says “well done, my good and faithful servant”, not because of ourselves, but because we have chosen and allowed Him to carry us through this life. Blessings and prayers go out to all who are hurting and may the one true Comforter wrap you in his loving arms and carry you.
