Open Heart

Valentine’s Day is an intense and personal holiday that reminds widows and widowers what we are no longer a part of a couple. Not that we really need the reminder or as some have called it Single Awareness Day its acronym is (S.A.D). Hallmark stores and florists make a large part of their annual income selling gifts that lovers offer each other as a token of their unfailing love. Business is business, but matters of the heart are worth consideration and I have certainly reflected a lot on this topic this month combined with the fact that the Lord ousted me out of bed this morning at 4:30 am to write this reflection and to fully understand the message he wanted me to understand.

Widows may reflect on what they lost when the love of their life died. Others resign themselves to never loving again or not wanting to bother with the idea of possible rejection or adapting their lifestyle to include another love or spouse. Some widows may claim they are enjoying their independence and perhaps they are.

I consider myself a relatively independent personality, but honestly after over 4 years of “doing it all” and working 60—80 hours a week trying to survive widowhood, I would love to relinquish some of my independence to share my life with another. I am exhausted.

I miss the companionship, being able to talk with someone at the end of the day about my successes and failures, and I miss the love language of touch through comforting embraces and gentle kisses.

As the eternal optimist, I think that the more a widow opens her heart to the idea of love again, the more it hurts when opportunities do not readily avail. It is especially painful if there is an interest in another and it appears or simply is unrequited.

As the optimist, I also recognize that love comes in many different forms, through friendships, thoughtful prayers, cards, and emails that were sent to encourage me and let me know I am valued in people’s lives.

I spontaneously shared an idea for a gift for his wife for Valentine’s Day with a coworker. I had bought a necklace for my daughter and Mom for Christmas from Jane Seymour’s Open Heart Collection, because I liked the symbolism of having an open heart and wanted to encourage them to be open to love. So I shared that idea in passing with this gentleman. He ran the idea past his wife and she thought the idea was a nice idea, but this got him thinking about the possibilities.

On Valentines Day, he took his wife out to dinner and then took her for a walk through the mall. She was anticipating a trip to the jewelry store to get the necklace, but her husband surprised her with the idea of selecting a new set of wedding rings. She had not been able to wear hers for a few years. Next year would be their 30th anniversary, so the plan was to look for rings that the wife liked and the husband would work towards getting them paid off by their 30th anniversary.

The wife sent an email of encouragement that she appreciated the role I had played in getting her husband to think about jewelry. In turn, in the same email, she recognized my need for understanding that the Valentine Day week-end was still difficult for me. That is just amazing to me how the Lord provided that encouragement at just that time.

She did not know how much of a funk I had been in all that day and that I had been vocalizing my need and desire for another person to share my life with. I believe the Lord allowed me to recognize that He was genuinely aware of my struggles and acknowledged it when He had my friend Eileen send that email. I had a mini sob at that moment, touched by the tender love of the Savior, and then I felt all right with my life again.

Love… always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 7

Am I still open to the possibility of love again? Absolutely. I believe the Lord made me who I am and knows what I need. He wants me to keep my heart open for His love and I believe the love of another. Just like the husband who had put a lot of thought into the selection of a gift for his wife to celebrate their past, present, and future lives together, so the Lord is thinking of my future, my needs, and me.

I am closing this reflection with a song that was played at my wedding and it still rings true today, “He makes all things beautiful in His time…”

I needed the reminder. Thanks Lord.