What if it is…. Cancer?

2008 was a banner year for my health issues. I found out that I was allergic to at least 7 types of food that were making me chronically sick with sinus infections, caused inflammation, and made me lethargic. That meant going on a strict diet to eliminate these foods. In 7 months, I had dropped over 65 pounds within 9 months. I needed to lose that weight and more, so I considered it a side benefit to the health problems. However, it did not eliminate the external allergies during the fall and spring. I became ill during the Fall with asthmatic bronchitis and found myself immersed in inhalers, lung function tests, and new medicines. Only 64% of the oxygen I was breathing was getting into my bloodstream. I also discovered a noticeable lump in my right breast. At first, I thought it might be a result of my lymph nodes under my arm being swollen from the chronic sinus and upper respiratory infections or a cyst. I knew I should get it checked out.


My doctor examined me and sent me for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. She did not say anything after the exam. Perhaps she did not want to alarm me unnecessarily, but the silence enforced the seriousness of having it looked at quickly. The nurse must have noticed my stress level and gave me the number of the place where I would get the tests done so I could call them to see if there were any cancellations. I did! I gently asked the receptionist if there were any cancellations, I would be available to come earlier. The next day I had a sense of expectation that they would call and they got me within that same week.


The diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound revealed there was an abnormality in the right breast and it was decided that it was worth looking at further. A biopsy would be ordered. The initial thought that it could be a cyst with a hardened edge (possibly a breast infection was one option offered to reduce my worry). That did not work. My personality is to look at the whole picture and quickly ask myself the question about the worst possible outcome…”What if it is cancer?” Would I be able to rest in the Lord with the worst possible diagnosis? Scared and fearing the worst, I kept hearing a little tune in my head, “Life is good… eternal life is better” so why not? The Lord has brought me through the valley of the shadow of death before, why wouldn’t he do the same again? The worst thing that could happen is that I would go to be with him. How cool is that? If I look at my kids and wonder how they will handle it after losing their Dad, then I get concerned, but the same God who loves me will take care of them.


The earliest I could get scheduled for the biopsy at this location was on the 23rd – 10 days to wait. My mom’s friend, Shelley found the Indianapolis Breast Center online and that they could take me sooner. I emailed them to ask if they took my health insurance and if they were in network, they were. I considered that affirmation when I called and they put me right through to Dr. Schmidt. I discussed what I knew with her and she said she could help me and I would get scheduled as soon as possible. I called on Monday afternoon and had an appointment on Tuesday at 1:00 pm.


The next morning I was able to have a doctor’s order faxed and the mammogram films picked up and drive the 1 ½ hours to Indy for my appointment. They conducted an ultrasound, physical exam, a core biopsy, and a follow up series of mammograms. 3 ½ hours later, my roommate Gail and I headed for a fine dinner at a nearby restaurant and then treacherous drive home on snow and ice. There would be no answer before the beginning of next week. Am I worried? Yes, but not without the reassurance that whatever this is … cancer or not) Jesus Christ will see me through.


Fear, anxiety, and dread and occasionally denial were my constant companions throughout the week-end. In the early morning hours before dawn and before hearing the prognosis from the biopsy , the Lord gave me a message that I belonged to him and he was my redeemer in Isaiah 43:1-2:

But now, this is what the LORD says‹he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

At the time, I thought perhaps I was being prepared for the worst case scenario, when instead he was reminding me that trusting in Him through cancer or in this extraordinary life is the way of the great Redeemer. I have no explanation why my roommate was diagnosed with breast cancer in March and I was cancer-free, but I do know that she was of great comfort to me when she drove me down to Indy to get the biopsy as I faced the unknown.