Sunday is the Loneliest Day

Sunday is the loneliest day of the week for this widow. I am not sure how to explain the loneliness I feel in a church service, even when I am actively worshiping in a community of other believers. Today’s churches are very couples and family oriented. It is a constant reminder for me in my missing my husband.

I have wonderful memories of going to church when it was always a family affair. I enjoyed sitting in the service with my husband, his arm around my shoulders, or gently squeezing my hand. Dave had a loud base voice that people sitting in front of him would turn to see who was singing at maximum volume. He would always sing the hymns like “How Great Thou Art” with a loud base voice and my low alto voice would blend in with his. Our son would sit on the right side of Dave and our daughter would sit to the left of me. Inevitably, Dave would fall asleep in the middle of the sermon because his excuse was that he had been sitting still in one place too long. He loved the music and God’s Word. Juli inherited her love of music from Dave and loves to sing in adult choirs. Josh is going through a period of time where he avoided church like the plague and I sat in the pew alone.

Our past church celebrated couple anniversaries when they were married 50 years or more by posting the couple’s pictures on the screen during the fellowship time of the church service. Dave and I used to joke about how many years of marriage left to go before our pictures would be displayed on the Imax for the 50th wedding anniversary. We were faithfully married for 18 and a half years before Dave went home and I believe God honors that.

Now, I have to ask the question … where do young widows with children fit within the church? I have to admit that the tendency to become isolated within a church community is a real tendency with this particular widow. It is in part, a form of self preservation as I did not want to be perceived as a threat to other married ladies. I wanted to live a life of integrity and to live independently seemed to be the best path to take.

Joining an Adult Single class in my forties just did not seem appropriate as it was often viewed as a “meat market” for singles to become married. If the single males were not initially attracted to you, then they were not generally interested in getting to know you either. I believe that friendship is the basis for all good relationships.

I joined a women’s Sunday School Class which initiated female friendship, but my life experiences limited what I had in common with them. My widowhood seemed to scare the wives that this could indeed happen to them. I joined the church Grief Share Support group where I received good information on how to cope with my grief and put it in a Christian perspective.

I did not bond with others who were grieving until I joined a weekly Young Widow’s Fellowship for lunch where we were invited to actually talk about our losses and how we were dealing with my grief. We share with each other the sorrow, our fears, the angry moments, and laughter every week during lunch. There were prayer requests and scriptures via emails, cards, valentine and celebration birthdays together and these events and thoughtfulness sustained my faith. The weekly fellowship led to an opportunity for the ladies and I to share a presentation on “Graceful Grieving” with other grieving spouses and parents in the Day of Healing on Nov. 1, 2008, sponsored by the Wabash Friends Church.

We were anxious, but felt certain that the Lord could use our stories to encourage others that were grieving.

My attitude has changed since I first began this reflection. Because of the fellowship of other widows and the Lord revealing himself through scripture study that I was looking at the gap in churches all wrong. Read about the widow Anna in Luke 2:36-38 to see what I mean.

Luke 2:36-38: There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.(NIV)

Anna, somewhere along the line in her grief, made a choice to worship anytime through prayer and fasting. She chose to be visible within the temple. I know the Lord took care of Anna and chose her to be blessed with viewing Jesus Christ.

So how I have resolved this dilemma of finding how I fit into the church? I still have not found a concrete answer, but in searching the scriptures my attitude will change. I love the Lord and trust him implicitly with my past, present, and future, so I choose to worship.