Travel Lessons

Have you ever longed for travel? I had a longing desire to go to Ireland. The Thomas Kinkaid image surfaced in my mind often of a green land on the coast with a lighthouse in the background. It gave me a sense of peace and rest when life seemed overwhelming. I felt drawn to it as though this land could heal my distraught spirit. I wanted to feel the gentle breezes off the coast dance through my hair and make me feel young again. I needed time to not feel worried, overwhelmed, or need to take care of another or solve a problem. I needed to speak intimately to the “all knowing” God and ask for guidance without interruption of phone calls and emails. Over a year later, I made plans to travel to Ireland.

John 14:8 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

I could identify with the suffering interwoven in its culture; the ability to face adversity along with the acceptance of ‘come what may” attitude without totally giving up. There is a sadness that a widow can relate to… when I viewed a metallic sculpture of an anatomically correct broken heart that was a memorial for those lost in the potato famine. Our tour guide explained that the deaths were needless as there was plenty of food available, but the people who needed it did not have access to it. My heart grieved for those lost and the ones left behind. What a waste of humanity!

I have a better understanding of what draws many Irish to the pubs for a sense of community and for some the “liquid sunshine.” As a non-drinker who did not partake of the local guinness or other alcoholic beverages, I did enjoy the food and community. Whether watching futball, boxing, or simply talking with the patrons … it was comforting to simply belong.

I especially enjoyed the folk music… each song told a story, some were sad while others were amusing. One song told of a futball game where the opposing players were Catholic and Protestant and the rivalry was thick. A set of bleachers collapsed and killed 65 people (both Catholic and protestant alike). This tragedy brought the two opposing sides together in their grief.

The weather was tolerable temperature wise, but it had rained everyday since June 1st and I was visiting in mid September. Farmers were predicting that the excessive rain would ruin the crops. The Irish still seemed to take this in stride, but there was rejoicing when the sun came out the last day of my trip.

I had the opportunity to use the bus system several times when I was on my own. I had difficulty figuring out the system, but fortunately there were others who provided needed guidance. Many passengers were amazed at the “bravery or lunacy of a single woman who would travel alone and without a watch.” Many riders had cell phones and would communicate with others about their estimated time of arrivals at their final destination.




One day I rode the bus to Limerick and explored St. John’s Castle. This castle overlooked the Shannon River and gave a bird’s eye view of the town built along both sides of the river. The Irish love to paint their homes and doors in bright colors. I loved how the 2 and 3 story buildings were painted multiple colors, particularly, yellow, orange, and red.

I became fascinated with watching a kayaker attempt to paddle up the strong currents of the Shannon River. I captured his multiple attempts with my digital camera and video recorder. The kayaker would hit a section of the break-water and almost surpassed it, but then would fall back again with the current’s triumph. I imagine this would be good exercise and/or training for the kayaker. It is a good metaphor for life as we are called to persevere in spite of obstacles.


James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (NIV)

I am leaving Ireland with a few less euros and dollars in my bank account, but richer in life. I needed to rest, drink in the beauty of the “40 shades of green” in the Irish landscape,gain new friends, and a perspective on life from a different culture.


Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (NIV)

Near Miss

Near Miss

There were three travelers in a red impala returning home from a distance education conference in Wisconsin. I was sitting next to the driver, Kim, reading and mentally outlining and preparing to share a devotion the following Monday. Suddenly a black car on our left side left the highway and spun off in the median. In response, the driver overcorrected and caused the vehicle to spin out across the four lane highway stopping directly in front of us.


The cars behind us braked and kept a good distance between our car and the “out of control” vehicle. Kim calmly brought the car to a hault as I glanced up and mumbled, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” Melanie in the back seat started to pray. The impala stopped just short of the resting in front of the other car, where we could see the woman’s anguished face braced for the potential impact.


Kim calmly corrected the situation on the road and the red impala continued the journey home. There were anxiety, tears, and awareness of the near miss incident. Just as our driver continued traveling the highway, so must I continue faithfully on this perilous, sometimes mundane, journey called life.

1 Peter 1: 3 – 8 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

The travelers in both cars were glad to be alive, but I wondered if the resurrection would have been better. Having lost a husband and 4 babies, I have heavenly deposits so death is not so intimidating. One of the lessons learned from near misses remind us that we should gladly offer our praise for our time spent in present trials and sometimes tribulation, because ultimately Jesus Christ receives the glory.


It was obviously not our time to go be with the Lord as His grace was freely dispensed. Near misses remind us of the value of this life that we have a purpose in why we are here. I thought of my children who would have been left behind if I were to go be with Jesus. Yet, I know the Comforter will come to them when it is my time to be with the Lord. If I trust Jesus Christ with my death, surely I can trust Him with my life.

What if it is…. Cancer?

2008 was a banner year for my health issues. I found out that I was allergic to at least 7 types of food that were making me chronically sick with sinus infections, caused inflammation, and made me lethargic. That meant going on a strict diet to eliminate these foods. In 7 months, I had dropped over 65 pounds within 9 months. I needed to lose that weight and more, so I considered it a side benefit to the health problems. However, it did not eliminate the external allergies during the fall and spring. I became ill during the Fall with asthmatic bronchitis and found myself immersed in inhalers, lung function tests, and new medicines. Only 64% of the oxygen I was breathing was getting into my bloodstream. I also discovered a noticeable lump in my right breast. At first, I thought it might be a result of my lymph nodes under my arm being swollen from the chronic sinus and upper respiratory infections or a cyst. I knew I should get it checked out.


My doctor examined me and sent me for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. She did not say anything after the exam. Perhaps she did not want to alarm me unnecessarily, but the silence enforced the seriousness of having it looked at quickly. The nurse must have noticed my stress level and gave me the number of the place where I would get the tests done so I could call them to see if there were any cancellations. I did! I gently asked the receptionist if there were any cancellations, I would be available to come earlier. The next day I had a sense of expectation that they would call and they got me within that same week.


The diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound revealed there was an abnormality in the right breast and it was decided that it was worth looking at further. A biopsy would be ordered. The initial thought that it could be a cyst with a hardened edge (possibly a breast infection was one option offered to reduce my worry). That did not work. My personality is to look at the whole picture and quickly ask myself the question about the worst possible outcome…”What if it is cancer?” Would I be able to rest in the Lord with the worst possible diagnosis? Scared and fearing the worst, I kept hearing a little tune in my head, “Life is good… eternal life is better” so why not? The Lord has brought me through the valley of the shadow of death before, why wouldn’t he do the same again? The worst thing that could happen is that I would go to be with him. How cool is that? If I look at my kids and wonder how they will handle it after losing their Dad, then I get concerned, but the same God who loves me will take care of them.


The earliest I could get scheduled for the biopsy at this location was on the 23rd – 10 days to wait. My mom’s friend, Shelley found the Indianapolis Breast Center online and that they could take me sooner. I emailed them to ask if they took my health insurance and if they were in network, they were. I considered that affirmation when I called and they put me right through to Dr. Schmidt. I discussed what I knew with her and she said she could help me and I would get scheduled as soon as possible. I called on Monday afternoon and had an appointment on Tuesday at 1:00 pm.


The next morning I was able to have a doctor’s order faxed and the mammogram films picked up and drive the 1 ½ hours to Indy for my appointment. They conducted an ultrasound, physical exam, a core biopsy, and a follow up series of mammograms. 3 ½ hours later, my roommate Gail and I headed for a fine dinner at a nearby restaurant and then treacherous drive home on snow and ice. There would be no answer before the beginning of next week. Am I worried? Yes, but not without the reassurance that whatever this is … cancer or not) Jesus Christ will see me through.


Fear, anxiety, and dread and occasionally denial were my constant companions throughout the week-end. In the early morning hours before dawn and before hearing the prognosis from the biopsy , the Lord gave me a message that I belonged to him and he was my redeemer in Isaiah 43:1-2:

But now, this is what the LORD says‹he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters,I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

At the time, I thought perhaps I was being prepared for the worst case scenario, when instead he was reminding me that trusting in Him through cancer or in this extraordinary life is the way of the great Redeemer. I have no explanation why my roommate was diagnosed with breast cancer in March and I was cancer-free, but I do know that she was of great comfort to me when she drove me down to Indy to get the biopsy as I faced the unknown.

Near Miss

I was traveling with two other ladies in a red impala returning home from a distance education conference in Wisconsin. I was sitting next to the driver, Kim, reading and mentally outlining and preparing to share a devotion the following Monday. Suddenly a black car on our left side f left the highway and spun off in the median. In response, the driver over-corrected and caused the vehicle to spin out across the four lane highway directly in front of us.

The cars behind us braked and kept a good distance between our car and the “out of control” vehicle. Kim calmly brought the car to a hault as I mumbled, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” Melanie in the back seat started to pray. The impala stopped just short of the resting in front of the other car, where we could see the woman’s face braced for the potential impact.

Kim calmly corrected the situation on the road, the red impala continued the journey home. There were anxiety, tears, and awareness of the near miss incident. Just as our driver continued traveling the highway, so must I continue faithfully on this perilous, sometimes mundane, journey called life.

1 Peter 1: 3 – 8 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

The travelers in both cars were glad to be alive, but I wondered if the resurrection would have been better. It was obviously not the time to go be with the Lord as His grace was freely dispensed, but we would gladly offer our praise for our time spent in present trials and sometimes tribulation, because ultimately Jesus Christ receives the glory.

Rending and Mending

"If given all the pieces, God will mend a broken heart." Anonymous

Rending is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online as “to tear (the hair or clothing) as a sign of anger, grief, or despair” (para. 1). The Biblical precedent for this custom is Jacob's rending of his clothes in mourning over Joseph, his son, whom he presumed dead (Genesis 37:34)( The Jewish Life Information Center, n.d., para. 6)


The Boca Jewish Funeral website (n.d.) described why mourners perform the ritual of K'riah, known as the rending of the garment.

This ancient custom is symbolic of the tear that's in the mourner's heart. Traditionally the clothing is torn, but many people today use a black ribbon that is attached to the outside of the clothing. When people see the ribbon, or the tear in the clothing, it is a sign that that person is a mourner. Mourners are already uncomfortable and when we see them, if we avoid talking to them or ignore the fact
that they are mourners, it adds to their feelings of loneliness and isolation. (para. 10-11)

This family was in mourning and it tore our relationships. Each of us handled grief differently. After Dave's passing, I thought my son handled the loss of Dave remarkably well. He was talking and asking questions about who would do the things Dad always did? He cried. He was twelve, but in a month would turn 13. It was a difficult time to lose a father, but then I knew there was ever really a good time to lose one.


In becoming a teenager, he talked less with me and more with his friends. Then he stopped talking about his grief altogether and turned inward. I realized that he handled his grief openly in the beginning, as well as, he was developmentally ready. I also have experienced how grief hits in unexpected waves at unexpected times and that grief is not linear.


My son did not handle the move to Indiana well at all. He was usually hostile at home. Florida was always better and considered home. Since I had to work full-time, my son had too much unstructured down time. This led to poor decision making and resulted in the need to return to Jacksonville.


Sometimes the unexpected rending occurs within family relationships well after the funeral. The last part of 2007 and most of 2008 brought about a rending in my relationship with my son. It was a dark time where I had to literally give my son into the care of God and others. I resented it, did not understand it, and just wanted to hold onto him for dear life.


However, I felt I had to honor his request and that it was the right course of action even though it resulted in a painful experience. It was also a better alternative than juvenile detention or teenage suicide. Yes, he had these thoughts and shared them with me. My child was homesick for a place he knew well and felt safe in. Jacksonville is where he needed to heal from his grief and his disillusionment with life. My son needed a family intact with a male influence. We were blessed to have the church family care for him during this time. He needed the security that returning to home would provide. It was a safe place to grieve and he needed a man in his present everyday life to model how to become a man.


I mourned again for my son and what looked hopeless and knew he had to deal with his grief in his own time, way, and even a different location. The more I tried to hold on, the more alienated he became.


However, after some time, mending began to occur. I had a good talk with my son. I sensed he was coming to peace with himself. He says every time he feels down, he still senses the urge for alcohol but he knows that will not work. He was purposely not dating girls, because he knows he cannot trust himself. He wanted to spend more time with Grandpa Woodbridge and getting back to church. He enjoyed being with Grandpa when he taught his Sunday School class. I was pleased at what he is learning about himself and hopeful that in the future, the outcome of this experience will later be called a blessing.


I hoped and prayed that one day our relationship would be restored. There were not many phone calls during our 12 month separation. When I was asked how my son was doing, I really did not have much to say. There were colleagues who questioned my decision of letting my son go and others who faithfully prayed for my son and I.


I found scriptural encouragement from my boss who shared his life experiences that were similar to my son. He convinced me that my son would return and restore our relationship just as he had with his mother. No time-line was given, but his shared experiences raised my hopes and gave me the ability to wait to see what God would do.

How does the parable of the persistent widow apply to my prayer life?

I love that Jesus tells us parables as they are real life stories. Luke 18:1-8 was a parable about a judge and a persistent widow who sought legal protection from an adversary. Jesus revealed that we should always pray and not to lose heart. He explained further in Luke 11:5-10 where a friend asks another friend for 3 loaves of bread and it is already past the time for bed. The friend does not refuse this friend’s request because he wants to help, but because of the other friend's persistence he will get up and give him what he needs. I would need to be persistent in my prayers for my son and the restoration of our relationship and then allow the Lord to work in our lives.


My son surprised me on Thanksgiving Day by telling me he was coming home for Christmas. I was glad, but afraid that our behavior patterns would be repeated and that would not make a peaceful Christmas. We talked a few weeks before his visit about making this a peaceful Christmas. He agreed that was what he wanted as well.


I have really enjoyed getting to know my son again. He has matured. He left as a child and returned a young man. I have learned to give him room to make his own decisions. By showing him this respect, he also demonstrates a respectful attitude towards me and has been very helpful around the house. Woo-hoo! He even asked to stay an additional week.


There is a time to rend and a time to mend. Solomon wrote something similar in Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 There is a time for everything …a time to tear down and a time to build.”(NIV) I am thankful that the Lord works in our lives… sometimes we have periods of life that seem to be heavily “under construction” that is the tearing down, but God never leaves you that way.
He is a God of restoration and he will rebuild something even more remarkable than we can envision when we give him the rubble of our lives.

References

The Jewish Life Information Center (n.d). The Ceremony. Retreived on Dec. 22, 2008 from http://eng.itim.org.il/?CategoryID=207&ArticleID=241

The Boca Jewish Funeral. (n.d.). Traditions & Customs. Retreived on Dec. 22, 2008 from http://www.bocajewishfunerals.com/traditions_customs.html